Looking Back On When We First Met

I never really thought about what life could be like if I just took a minute to look around and see what was literally STARING me in the face. There was always something to do, somewhere to be, someone who needed my help. I didn't realise NO ONE WAS HELPING ME. There was no space in my brain for anything other than emergency situations, soon everything was an emergency situation.

I'd gone from a relationship where I was getting kicked allover every other weekend to one where I wasn't. AND IT WAS GREAT.... Wasn't it? I needed the world to end so I could get on it. 

Sure at the beginning... The love bombing was intense (we'll have a WHOLE seperate section for this, my sweet summer child 🙌). Of course I didn't even know it was a thing, never heard of it, I mean who had 20 year ago? Narcissistic wasn't even in my vocabulary. A Narc was a Grass.

I heard ALL about his 'Evil wife' (I have SO much respect for her she will also get her own chapter in this because she did TIME with this Narcissist too. So glad she is happy and loved how she deserves to be) how she was controlling, he couldn't go to the gym, she was the reason he lost his job and 'never made it' in football 👀🤪.

 I never stopped to think whether he was a 'bad guy' for shagging customers/clients on his lunch break. (Side note he had to go on his TIP FUCKING TOES to kiss her goodbye Sooooo attractive right?👌) He was proud of it, showed me the scratches she made on his back and was laughing about how he was gonna have to explain it away when he got home I remember what he was wearing a blue checked dress shirt 2 sizes too big to make him look 'muscly' he wasn't. Well not yet anyway. 

Im so ashamed of my past self. I saw this and thought, meh I could fuck him for a couple of weeks leave my husband and move on with my life he was only a summer temp. Alas, this did not happen. 

I believed everything he said Me! A strong intelligent woman (Thanks, Bella Swan) I was, to be fair not of sound mind. I don't think I've been of sound mind until the last year or so but we'll get to that later. 

He started a game. Post its. Its so cringe writing this with fresh healed eyes it literally knocks me sick, but this is part of the journey right? I think it started with celebrities of the time. He'd write 2 names and I'd 'do or die' have to fuck one, then I'd write 2 back, they moved on to people we worked with. He was information gathering. He was intimidated by the other men in the building didn't have any male friends, still doesn't (should have been a warning sign.) Granted he does have 1 friend (Another chapter) However when he was in hospital with CANCER.... He was too busy fucking me, going to the Gym and watching movies to visit him. The hospital was 5 minutes from his house. He was so pissed when he didn't get chosen to be Best Man / Groomsman at his friends wedding. Out of all the things he's done, which we will get in to, this is in the top 5.

Im aware im bouncing around a bit. Apologies, I have ADHD / BPD... Sue me... I'd LOVE IT 😍🤣🤷‍♀️👀 Editing later.)

Back to post its.... I bet you thought I'd forgotten about them he started putting male colleagues on, I was having a great time putting the unconventionaly beautiful on for him, then he put himself and his 'biggest rival' on one. Like an idiot I said him. Im sorry I was craving attention, lonely, unhappy. Present and Future Janice WOULD NEVER. Speaking of Future Janice.

This needs chopping up and rearranging